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Published Sep 3, 2024 ⦁ 9 min read
10 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Advocacy Skills

10 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Advocacy Skills

Self-advocacy helps kids speak up for their needs and wants. Here are 10 key ways to teach this vital skill:

  1. Encourage open talks
  2. Show how to solve problems
  3. Practice real-life situations
  4. Teach about feelings
  5. Let kids make choices
  6. Help kids know themselves
  7. Improve speaking skills
  8. Support doing things alone
  9. Show self-advocacy in action
  10. Praise speaking up

Self-advocacy builds better communication, confidence, problem-solving, and safety awareness. It's especially important for kids with learning differences.

Skill Benefit How to Teach
Open communication Builds trust Create safe spaces for sharing
Problem-solving Develops independence Guide through step-by-step approach
Emotional awareness Improves expression Use feeling charts and games
Decision-making Boosts confidence Offer age-appropriate choices
Self-awareness Enhances understanding Help identify strengths and needs

Self-advocacy takes time to develop. Be patient and consistent in your support.

1. Encourage Open Talks

Create a safe space for open talks to help kids share their thoughts. Here's how:

  • Set a positive tone: "I'm happy to see you! Let's chat while we make dinner."
  • Listen actively: Give full attention, make eye contact, and ask follow-up questions.
  • Use open-ended questions: "What was the most interesting part of your day?"
  • Create sharing opportunities: Hold family meetings to discuss various topics.
  • Play emotion-focused games:
Game How It Works
Candy Land Emotions Assign emotions to colors. Share experiences when landing on a color.
Uno Feelings Share a time you felt the emotion linked to a card's color.
  • Model open communication: Share your own thoughts and feelings.
  • Be patient: Give kids time to process their experiences.

"Educating your children about their emotions helps them better express themselves." - Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, Pediatric Psychologist

2. Show How to Solve Problems

Teaching problem-solving builds confidence and independence. Here's how:

  1. Model problem-solving: Think out loud when facing challenges.
  2. Ask for input: Involve kids in solving everyday issues.
  3. Use a step-by-step approach:
Step Action Example
1 Identify feelings "I feel frustrated because..."
2 Define the problem "I can't finish my homework"
3 Brainstorm solutions "I could ask for help, take a break, or start with easier questions"
4 Evaluate outcomes "If I ask for help, I might understand better"
5 Choose a solution "I'll ask my teacher for help tomorrow"
  1. Allow struggle: Wait before offering help.
  2. Praise effort: Focus on the problem-solving process.
  3. Use real-life scenarios: Practice with everyday situations.
  4. Play problem-solving games: Engage in puzzles or strategy games.

"Kids with problem-solving skills manage their emotions, think creatively, and persist until they find a solution." - Big Life Journal

3. Practice Real-Life Situations

Role-playing builds confidence in speaking up. Here's how:

  1. Create realistic scenarios: Use situations from school, home, or with friends.
  2. Act it out: Take turns playing different roles.
  3. Use props: Make it fun with stuffed animals or dolls.
  4. Provide feedback: Discuss what went well and what could improve.
  5. Practice regularly: Role-play different scenarios weekly.

Sample scenarios to practice:

Scenario Self-Advocacy Goal
Noisy hallway at school Asking classmates to quiet down
Driving to soccer practice Requesting a water break
After a birthday party Expressing feelings about not being invited
Pizza party plans Mentioning dietary restrictions
At the ice cream shop Politely correcting a wrong order

"Practicing the problem from both sides can be eye opening for kids." - Michele Borba, Ed.D

4. Teach About Feelings

Understanding emotions helps kids express their needs. Here's how:

  1. Name emotions: "You're frowning. I wonder if you're sad?"
  2. Use "I feel" statements: "I feel frustrated when we're running late."
  3. Create a feelings chart: Kids can point to how they feel.
  4. Read books about feelings: Discuss emotions in stories.
  5. Play emotion games: Try "Emotion Charades."
Activity Purpose Example
Emotion Charades Recognize emotions Act out "excited" without words
Feelings Chart Identify current mood Point to "angry" face on chart
Story Discussion Link events to feelings "How did Cinderella feel when she couldn't go to the ball?"

Teach healthy ways to express emotions, like deep breaths when angry or talking it out when sad.

"When your child sees you being open about your feelings, it encourages them to express themselves too."

5. Let Kids Make Choices

Giving kids chances to decide builds confidence. Here's how:

  1. Start small: "Do you want to wear your red shoes or blue shoes?"
  2. Offer limited options: Present two or three choices.
  3. Let them face outcomes: Allow kids to experience results of their choices.
  4. Increase complexity gradually: Move from picking socks to choosing outfits.
  5. Use daily routines: Include choices in everyday activities.
Age Group Choice Examples Benefits
Toddlers (2-3) Picking between two snacks Builds confidence
Preschoolers (3-5) Selecting clothes to wear Develops independence
School-age (6-12) Choosing after-school activities Enhances decision-making skills

"If we give them little opportunities to make their own decisions, then they'll know what to do in those bigger opportunities because they've had training." - Dr. Rachel Busman, PsyD

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6. Help Kids Know Themselves

Teaching self-awareness is key to self-advocacy. Here's how:

  1. Identify strengths across different areas:
Strength Type Examples
Personal Kindness, curiosity, creativity
Social Good listener, supportive friend
Language Clear speaker, attentive listener
Literacy Vivid imagination, strong vocabulary
Math/Logic Problem-solving, puzzle enthusiast
  1. Create an accomplishments box: Write down achievements and strengths.
  2. Use specific language: "You were very patient while we waited at the doctor's office today."
  3. Encourage journaling: Help kids reflect on experiences.
  4. Teach needs recognition: Show kids how to spot and express their needs.
  5. Develop empathy: Help kids understand others' perspectives.
  6. Teach boundary-setting: Help kids express limits and respect others' boundaries.

"Empathy is something we think of as being very adult... but in reality, by age 3 most kids will instinctively show concern for a crying friend." - Mandi Silverman, PsyD

7. Improve Speaking Skills

Boost speaking skills to help kids become better self-advocates:

  1. Play speaking games:

    • Spot my Lie: Tell two truths and one lie.
    • Dragon's Den: Present a normal object as if invented.
    • The Cooperation Game: Tell a story together.
  2. Use role-play: Practice speaking in different situations.

  3. Teach clear communication:

Skill How to Practice
Articulation Use tongue twisters
Volume Play the "Whisper and Shout" game
Pace Read aloud, focusing on speed
Eye contact Practice "Look and Say" exercises
  1. Encourage daily speaking practice:

    • Describe their day in detail
    • Order for themselves at restaurants
    • Ask store employees for help
  2. Teach self-advocacy phrases:

    • "I'm trying hard, but I'm having trouble with X."
    • "Can we find another way to make this work?"
    • "When would be a good time to talk about this?"

"Learning to speak in public built [my child's] communication skills and confidence and enabled them to develop charisma and capture attention." - Parent of a Youth Leadership program participant.

8. Support Doing Things Alone

Encourage independence to build self-reliance:

  1. Set up solo activities:

    • Three-marker art challenge
    • Backyard scavenger hunt
    • Pillow fort building
  2. Teach life skills:

Age Group Tasks
Toddlers (2-3) Put away toys, fill pet's food bowl
Preschoolers (4-5) Make bed, clear table
Primary schoolers (6-9) Sweep floors, make snacks
Middle schoolers (10-13) Wash dishes, prepare easy meals
High schoolers (14+) Clean fridge, mow lawn
  1. Allow for boredom: Let creativity spark.
  2. Give choices: Let kids make small decisions daily.
  3. Step back: Let kids work through challenges.

"Every time we rescue, hover, or otherwise save our children from a challenge, we send a very clear message: that we believe they are incompetent, incapable, and unworthy of our trust." - Jessica Lahey

9. Show Self-Advocacy in Action

Model self-advocacy for your kids:

  1. Share your experiences: Tell kids about times you've spoken up.

  2. Practice in everyday situations:

Situation Action Lesson
Wrong order at a restaurant Politely ask for the correct dish It's okay to speak up when something's not right
Overcharged at a store Calmly point out the error Mistakes happen, and it's fine to address them
Disagreement with a friend Express your feelings clearly Healthy relationships involve open communication
  1. Involve kids in the process: Bring them along when advocating for them.
  2. Debrief after self-advocacy moments: Discuss your approach and outcomes.
  3. Use games to practice: Play roleplay games with different scenarios.

"What would you do if one friend teased another?" - Katie Hurley, LCSW

10. Praise Speaking Up

Recognize and encourage self-advocacy efforts:

  1. Be specific: "I'm proud of how you told your teacher you needed extra time."
  2. Highlight the process: "You thought carefully about what to say. That's great preparation!"
  3. Use "I" statements: "I admire how you stood up for yourself."
  4. Avoid comparisons: Each child's journey is unique.
  5. Encourage reflection: "How did it feel to ask for help in class today?"
Do Say Don't Say
"You explained your needs clearly to your teacher." "You're a genius for solving that problem!"
"I like how you asked for help when you needed it." "You're so much better at speaking up than your classmates."
"Your idea about the group project was thoughtful. Can you tell me more?" "You're always the best at coming up with ideas."

"By using praise, you're showing your child how to think and talk positively about themselves." - Sabrina Ragan

Wrap-Up

Teaching self-advocacy is an ongoing process. It's about understanding needs, communicating effectively, problem-solving, and making decisions.

Create a self-advocacy checklist with your child:

Self-Advocacy Skill Action Steps
Identify needs List 3 things you need help with this week
Express feelings Use "I feel..." statements daily
Ask for help Reach out to a teacher or friend for assistance
Make choices Decide on an activity for family time
Solve problems Brainstorm solutions to a current challenge

Remember: "Self-advocacy is not innate; it's learned through modeling, practice, and support from caregivers and educators." - Dr. Jessica Kendorski

Key points:

  • Allow age-appropriate independence
  • Provide real-life practice opportunities
  • Offer support without taking over
  • Celebrate efforts, not just outcomes

FAQs

What is an example of self-advocacy for elementary students?

Two common examples:

  1. Asking questions: Raising a hand to ask about a confusing topic.
  2. Resisting peer pressure: Saying no to skipping class despite friends' encouragement.

These examples show how self-advocacy applies in everyday school situations.

How to get a kid to speak up for themselves?

A practical approach:

  1. Create opportunities for self-expression in everyday situations.
  2. Allow time for kids to warm up and formulate thoughts.
  3. Practice consistently in both minor and major situations.
  4. Offer support without speaking for them.

"It's the simple everyday experiences that will add up and teach them to manage their own voice."

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